Lost

Lost is the feeling I felt,
Long before you were gone,
Always claiming it was the hand I was dealt.
I look back on my thirty-three,
And slowly add up my life,
And this is what I see.
A life frozen at the time of your death,
Wondering why,
I still had a breath.
I struggled to see,
Beyond
You
And
Me.
You became immortalized,
And I became afraid,
To be alive.
Numbness took over,
And purposeful distance with all,
Became my cover.
The internal struggle raged,
As I could not see beyond,
You at my center stage.
Days turns to weeks, weeks into months, and months into years.
And a heart became barricaded,
By a lifetime of fears.
Ten years after you were gone,
Somehow I finally found a way,
To carry on.
Love at first sight,
Shook me to my core,
For now I needed to fight,
For the lost soul I wanted no more.
Searching to find,
Who laid with in me,
I know saw I was one of a kind.
Through the struggle and strife,
Of once being lost,
I now see a shiny new life,
That I will achieve at any cost.
I worked so hard,
To stray from being you,
That I became someone
I never knew.
But as the walls came down,
And I saw you in me,
I erased the frown,
And let me be free.